Kidnapped, flown across the world to Seoul, put through some ridiculous kung-fu bootcamp, and then dropped in the middle of nowhere, Maine, with instructions to 'be a butterfly flapping its wings." Seriously? The Dragon sent me into the middle of a zombie apocalypse of epic proportions.
Oh wait, it gets better.
Not only am I surrounded by the living dead, but the people in this town are batshit insane. The Sherrif is a coward and pretty much useless; she had me install webcams around the perimeter of her little enclave so that she can stay inside and avoid the fighting. Some old broad whose husband started this whole mess has me out hunting for zombie bones to fuel her bonfire, and now there's a camp of some Morninglight Televangelist Hippies camped outside of town wanting me to run their errands so that I can find the path to enlightenment (for $19.95, of course).
But it's not every day that you get to become Rand fucking al'Thor.
No, I'm being completely serious. Being deemed the Dragon's Claw and Fire? Gaining elite training in swordplay and magic due to the sudden onset of supernatural abilities? I'm living the dream, man.
Well, not really. Rand was an asshat. He spent so much time bitching about everything that was going on. denying that he had magic and a destiny. (Then again, Robert Jordan probably made him such a boring, static character so that he could keep writing books that got progressively more boring and irrelevant.)
You hear that Jordan? It was good in the beginning, but your style went downhill fast. (Actually, considering the metric fuckton of undead wandering around this place, maybe he did hear it.)
Well, I guess I learned something from reading those books: when fate puts her gaze on you, it's easier to just deal with it. And the same goes for the Dragon, I guess. It's not like I had any other plans. Besides, there is an upside to this whole end-of-the-world business: at least Glee will finally be cancelled. That trainwreck has destroyed America for far too long.
And, you know, the super powers are pretty fucking awesome, too.
They're almost cool enough to forget the kidnapping.
Almost.
